“You don’t waste good.” [Or, Gibbs’ Rule #5, for NCIS fans 😉 ]
Don’t waste good…. I’m trying to hold on to that right now. Hold on. There is good even though it’s very hard to feel it right now. I have a home (for now). I have a job. I have an understanding employer. These things can be built on. Two very good friends seem to be able to see some hope that it will be alright, even though I can’t. Don’t waste good. Don’t waste it because I give up right now because it’s so scary and I don’t know how to get through this night. Don’t waste it because everything crumbles and I lose my job because I stop going to work and give in to the fear and drowning sensation that tells me to stay at home. Don’t waste it because I stop looking for little gifts and little joys – or big ones – my beautiful god children, compassion of a friend, something at work that makes me laugh, being able to try to do at least something to help people at work. Don’t waste it because I assume rejection and punishment is all I deserve and all I will get in the end. Don’t waste it because I get so wrapped up in my own little world and little problems that I miss chances to serve, chances to thank, chances to show compassion or do that little bit more to help another in some small way.
You don’t waste good.
Ginny xx
[“You don’t waste good,” – from NCIS Series ?8 episode “Baltimore”. All rights to NCIS series belong to CBS / Channel 5 and respective directors and artists]
Dignity Beyond Trauma 
NCIS is my saving grace 🙂
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I really like it too (as I guess you’ll have noticed). I am many seasons behind the latest in watching and want to get a box set as I’ve ended up seeing episodes to some extent out of order. It is not the genre of TV show I’d usually go for and I can’t remember how I first came to watch it. It’s only the original I am into so far. I identify with so much in the characters and the way it’s written makes this happen so much more than any other detective / crime shows I’ve watched. It’s a bit weird I end up feeling like if the characters were real they would be like the family or friends I don’t have. Since childhood I’ve had far too strong imaginary or hypothetical or wished for worlds (and now I dissociate and hallucinate as well) but this is a bit weird. I mean, I know it’s not real!
Anyhow. I’m glad it helps you too.
Xx
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It’s ok, I’m only just starting to distinguish between real and make believe. Overactive imagination, dreaming of the fairytale ending and for ages I dissociated from my own life, convinced I wasn’t living it, that one day I’d wake up and I’d be 14 again xx
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