I think, therefore I am, as the saying goes. ..

[Sorry. I know this post makes little sense. It’s a mess of thoughts in my head tonight since I realised how much I “am” what I am experiencing and feeling and cannot stand it and get lost along the way. ]

“I think, therefore I am.” ??

I think…

I feel…

It’s harder than you’d expect to separate thoughts and feelings. Thoughts can hurt. Thoughts are (must be?) quickly judged. Thoughts desire; thoughts need and long and that again is judged at once, answered or unanswered, and that brings feeling.

Can thoughts be stopped? Those that come unbidden, spiraling or shouting and yet never to be trusted, tell me I am deceiving, tell me – too bad to write… memories…

And feeling. Nothing. Terrible nothing with something clawing at me to come back, or blessed numb. Or everything.

Everything. Everything I am. All I am – pain, hurt, need, frightened – everything I am, all I am. Can’t anyone else see? Can’t you see? Everyone is in so much pain. Feeling it and absorbing it – theirs or mine? But it hits me like a wall and it’s all there is that moment, separated from time, not knowing what to do or what to be but – pain.

I think, therefore I am? I’m not sure about that! But I feel, therefore – I am not. My self, my certainties, are lost and all I’ve become is the feeling and the fear.

2 thoughts on “I think, therefore I am, as the saying goes. ..

  1. I think you need to be a Tibetan monk to completely silence the thoughts. I think you are a rather sensitive soul and you feel for others and pick up on others feelings. I do that too and it can be draining and make me confused about my thoughts and emotionsx

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I think that’s true. I sense other people’s feelings more strongly than my own sometimes. I wonder if it’s a bit similar for you? I know what you mean about draining and confused! It is often intolerable – right at the moment I really want to help the person whose emotions I’m feeling… It can be a strength, I think, because it makes you alert and empathic and aware of others’ needs, but there is a cost too. I don’t know if the cost becomes less if somehow we can learn to manage it better. I don’t think I’d want to lose it entirely – I can’t imagine being without it – but I wish I could respond other than with being so shattered and confused!xxx

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