Cooking has long been something I struggle with.

I struggle to do it because of the pain and lack of strength that comes with my physical health problems. After a day at work it’s too much to cook as well. Plus, I tend to crave junk food when I feel rubbish physically. Also, when I’m feeling low and anxious and the voices are loud or I’m mad with myself, it’s very hard to allow myself to prepare nice food for myself. There’s so much guilt and conflicting emotions associated with eating.

I used to be a fairly competent cook. Actually I used to prepare all my and many of the family’s meals from the age of 9 or so, as my mother stopped attending to that aspect of life for many years,  as her mental health worsened. It used to be something I enjoyed. It made me feel “grown up” and responsible and I enjoyed trying new recipes. But recently I’ve totally lost that confidence, apart from liking to bake for friends sometimes.

So, I have decided to set myself a little challenge of learning to prepare ten different savory dishes, to try to rediscover some of the positive sides of cooking and be a better hostess on the rare occasions someone does come over. Here’s the first attempt – cottage pie. My friend came to stay for a couple of nights so I made it for our dinner. That gave me good motivation to do it. My friend liked it so that was a positive start.

I’ll be trying to prepare low budget meals as money is still very tight. Perhaps that will make it interesting to share ideas here too for anyone else in a similar situation.

Hope today is a good day for you.

Ginny xxx

• BPD
• Eating Disorders / Disordered eating
• On the borderline
• Ten dishes challenge